I personally have struggled with my weight since I was about 14 years old. Entering the world of high school made me feel pressure to look a certain weight. When I was in high school I weighed at a max 120 pounds. I was unhappy with myself and the way I looked simply because my body fat decided to make itself apparent around my stomach and hips. Now, I was never called fat by any means, but I felt that way every time I looked in the mirror. I remember laying down on my back when I went to bed because I believed that it would make my hipbones stick out more and my stomach would suck itself in. Silly, I know. Little did I know with just a little diet and exercise I could have eliminated the fat I was so "ashamed" of. Once I graduated and entered college, I stayed pretty much the same weight. It wasn't until I was about 19 that I started to notice that my body was filling out a bit more.
I have always been a kind of happy go lucky, go with the flow kind of girl. So when I started to gain a little bit of weight, I actually didn't freak out. I remember thinking that 140 felt healthy. I wasn't ashamed. It was just harder when I looked at some of my smaller friends that I felt as though I was fat. Once I went to cosmetology school in June of 2008, I started gaining some more weight. Mostly due to poor eating habits. My relationship with fast food first started when I was in 8th grade. It has always been something I enjoyed even though it didn't always love me. At first when the scale started showing me bigger numbers I was scared. I joined the gym and thought that by going a few times over a few months the weight was magically going to come off. Silly, very silly. I didn't change my diet at all.
After I graduated I weighted close to 165, which didn't really scare me. I just kind of ignored it. A few years have passed and now I am near 190 pounds. At first I was super uncomfortable with it. I would wear all black and a ton of layers just to cover what I was so ashamed of. I thought whenever someone would talk to me, the first thing they would see was all of the extra weight I was carrying. I was my own worst critic.
This is where it gets better (I promise). I discovered a few instagram accounts tnat promoted body positivity. One being Tess Munster and the other being Honor Curves. Together they have this movement called #effyourbodystandards. And to me that stuck out since the moment I saw it. I was never one to follow the crowd. I always dressed exactly the way I wanted to dress. Once I started following them, I felt like I wasn't alone. This movement showed me that I am beautiful the way I am. I don't need to cover up. It gave me the confidence I always needed. With the help of their amazing pictures and posts they give me the confidence to truly be myself. The sort of attitude that is like if you don't like my body that is your problem. Which if you aren't following them, I highly suggest you do!
Our bodies are only a small portion of the people that we are. The number on the scale does not give us our value of who we are. Today, at the weight I am, 190 pounds, I am finally at peace with my body. I am happier than I ever was at my lowest of 115 pounds. Not that there was anything wrong with the body I used to have. I don't let my weight dictate how I live my life. If I go to the beach, I am wearing a bathing suit. I don't need to cover every curve just because we are supposed to fit some ridiculous standard in life.
I hate the phrase "dress for your body". Fuck that, dress exactly in what makes you happy. No matter what size, you are beautiful. You are perfect the way you are. I have recently started trying to be more healthy, not because I want to lose weight really, but because I want to feel healthier on the inside. I started taking a hot yoga class which has made me feel absolutely amazing! Even doing all that, there are still people who have doubts in me. But none of that matters, all that matters is the way I feel. Life is too short to be insecure!
I wanted to share my journey with you as a little inspiration. If you are ever feeling down about your body just remember that is only a small part of who you are. Your personality always outshines it. I may be fat to some people but I am also creative, funny, fun, nice, outgoing, lovely, and beautiful. See how that one word is just one of many? Your self worth is not determined by that number on the scale. Please share with me your story or let me know how you feel! Thank you so much for reading! ♡♡
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